my thoughts, my feelings, my stories

 I don't wanna be depressed again, or at least not as depressed as before.  But I'm afraid my writing will suffer if I'm not sad all the time anymore.  So I choke back sobs like they're Pulitzer Prizes. Nothing more deadly than a "pleasure to have in class" left their own devices.  I don't wanna be anxious now that I know what it feels like to be calm down. So I'm staring at the tattoo that was just removed from my palm. that said "SCARED" that held its counterpart "BEWARE" That held me until I was neither here nor had the desire to be there.  BUT I'M THERE NOW.  In the future I'm healed.  The scent of orange hits my nose as I watch it be pealed.  And they hand me not a wedge but the fruit, it's whole.  So I stand up and reach for freshly cleaned bowl.  And start separating instinctively.  What is happiness if not shared?  What is love if not meal home cooked carefully prepared?  No nuts for they're allergic.  No sea...

 I always been a fast texter, or maybe it's because I'm always on my phone.  But these days it's been longer responses because I prefer being alone.  Because I can notice little switches when people's typing styles change. They go from sending emojis to suddenly a one exchange,  "OKAY", a thumbs up that's all.  There aren't even words anymore.  No reason to call.  I try to keep the conversation going because I care about people I know. And they were responding pretty fast.  And it's weird that now they're so slow.  But we're also adults now and tired.  And messages are harder to type.  Not because there's nothing left to say.  But because it's all gone.  In one unfair swipe "I Miss You." is lettered in the way my eyes shine. When I see a new picture of you in a shirt that used to be mine.  I only have a few people in my circle, honestly.  I try to keep pretty small.  Friends I know would always pick up that ...